Why Can't I Stop Overthinking? Understanding the Cycle of Worry
Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head, wondering whether you said the wrong thing?
Or spent half the night thinking through a problem that you can't actually do anything about until Monday?
Welcome to overthinking.
Most of us do it occasionally. But when thinking becomes repetitive, exhausting or difficult to switch off, it can start interfering with everyday life.
When thinking becomes overthinking
Thinking is obviously useful.
We need to plan, solve problems, make decisions and reflect on our experiences.
But there's a difference between thinking that moves us forward and thinking that keeps us going around in circles.
Imagine you've got a difficult conversation coming up at work.
You think about what you'd like to say, consider how the other person might respond and prepare a few talking points.
That's helpful planning.
Now imagine you've spent three days rehearsing every possible version of the conversation, imagining everything that could go wrong and worrying about how you'll be perceived.
You haven't necessarily become more prepared. You might just be more anxious.
Why do we overthink?
Overthinking can be an attempt to feel more certain, prepared or in control.
When something matters to us, we naturally want to avoid getting it wrong.
The difficulty is that life rarely provides complete certainty.
We can't always know what someone else is thinking, whether a decision will work out or how tomorrow's conversation will unfold.
So the mind keeps looking for answers.
And because there isn't always an answer available, it keeps going.
Three questions that might help
1. Is this a problem I can solve right now?
Some problems require action.
Others require waiting, accepting uncertainty or allowing ourselves to feel uncomfortable for a while.
If there's something useful you can do, identify the next step.
If there isn't, continuing to think about it may not be helping.
2. Am I looking for an answer or reassurance?
Sometimes we already know what we need to do, but we keep thinking because we're hoping to reach a point where we feel completely certain.
That point may never arrive.
Learning to make decisions while allowing some uncertainty can be an important skill.
3. Is this thought helping me?
You don't have to argue with every thought or somehow force it to disappear.
Instead, you can notice that your mind has started going over familiar ground and gently redirect your attention to what you're doing.
That might mean going for a walk, returning to a task, speaking to someone or simply allowing the uncomfortable feeling to be there without trying to solve it immediately.
What about anxiety?
Overthinking and anxiety often go together.
Worrying can feel like a way of preparing for danger, avoiding mistakes or managing difficult emotions.
But when worry becomes a habit, it can leave us feeling mentally exhausted and less able to enjoy the present.
Psychotherapy can provide space to explore the relationship between your thoughts, emotions and behaviours, and develop more flexible ways of responding.
You don't need to switch your brain off
The aim isn't to stop thinking.
It's to develop a different relationship with your thoughts, so they don't always determine where your attention goes or what you do next.
Sometimes the question isn't “How do I stop thinking about this?”
It's “Do I need to keep giving this thought so much attention?”
That's a useful place to begin.
About Paddington Therapy Works
I'm Steve Batchelor, a psychotherapist based in Paddington, Sydney.
I work with adults experiencing anxiety, stress, relationship difficulties and life transitions.
My approach is practical, conversational and collaborative.
If you'd like to explore whether psychotherapy might be helpful for you, you're welcome to get in touch.
Paddington Therapy Works
61 Regent Street, Paddington NSW 2021
Phone: 0459 555 440
Website: www.paddingtontherapyworks.com.au
